A Nonna’s Grief: Finding Comfort and Connection Through the Special Grandparents Group
At the Childhood Cancer Association, we understand that when a child is diagnosed with cancer, it affects the entire family — including grandparents. And when a child dies from cancer, grandparents are faced with the unique situation of not only coping with their own grief, but also with supporting and assisting their child and other family members.
That’s why our Special Grandparents Group exists — to support grandparents navigating the unique and often overlooked grief that comes with losing a grandchild to cancer.
For Annette, who lost her beloved granddaughter Vivyan, the Special Grandparents Group has been a place of healing, comfort and connection.
“Vivyan was my first grandchild and from the day she was born, we just clicked,” Annette shared. “She was my Mini Me, my shadow. If I was in the garden, she was right alongside me. If I was cooking, she was helping me in the kitchen. We were just two peas in a pod.”
Throughout Vivyan’s young life, she and her Nonna created countless memories together — simple moments filled with love and laughter. Whether it was spending a day painting together with “Nonna’s real brushes” or choosing tomato plants for the veggie patch, those memories are etched in Annette’s heart.
“After planting the last tree — a lemon tree — Vivyan wrapped her arms around my legs and gave me a big hug and said, ‘Nonna, I’ve just had the most wonderful day.’ It was just a day in the garden together. Nothing fancy, just spending time together.”
When Vivyan was diagnosed with cancer, Annette’s role as a grandparent took on new meaning. Her home quickly became a place of care and comfort for Vivyan, her younger sister, and their mum.
“Following her first round of chemo, Vivyan announced she wanted to go home to Nonna’s. So we had a house full — five adults, two children — and it took all of us to care for her,” she recalled. “I made sure we always had her favourites ready — pancakes, lasagne, and Hawaiian pizza with extra pineapple.”
During this time, Annette also became familiar with the Childhood Cancer Association’s support services, and one of the Association’s counsellors later encouraged her to attend the Special Grandparents Group after Vivyan’s passing.
“I was lost,” Annette said. “Friends and family didn’t know what to say. Then I went along to one of the morning teas, and there were these wonderful people who had all experienced the same loss as me and they were talking about their grandchildren without discomfort. Sharing stories. Saying their grandchild’s names. Laughing and sometimes crying.”
The Special Grandparents Group is a dedicated support group facilitated by the Childhood Cancer Association for grandparents who have experienced the loss of a grandchild to cancer. Through regular morning teas and connection with others who truly understand, the group provides a safe space to talk, reflect and honour each child’s legacy.
“It’s hard to explain, but I just feel comfortable with these people,” Annette shared. “We’ve all experienced a terrible loss. There’s an understanding that there is no time limit on grief, and this group reminds me I’m not alone. Even now, nearly 20 years later, I still cry sometimes — and that’s okay.”
Annette is just one of many grandparents who have found comfort through this special support network. She believes it’s vital that this group continues to exist.
“Somehow, being with others who understand, we feel comforted and free to say how we truly feel. This group has been a godsend to me.”
At the Childhood Cancer Association, we are committed to supporting every member of the family affected by childhood cancer. You can support our Special Grandparents Group by making a donation today.